I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
