I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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