i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i think my cat just said my name.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
