I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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