Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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