i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
