I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize