i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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