i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
