I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
