you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
