Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
