he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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