I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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