You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
