Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
