she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
