He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
