mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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