just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize