He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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