She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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