I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
