I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
