He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize