Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
