I think im going to throw up on grandma
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
