we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
