I met the friendliest cop last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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