phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
