i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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