capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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