Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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