Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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