@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
