I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
