I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
