so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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