Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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