Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
