Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
