I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
