this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize