That's intense
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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