this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
