For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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