Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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