o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize