After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
