Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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