i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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