I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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