I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
