mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize