I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
