Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
