you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
