is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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