no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
