belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
