I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
