I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
