I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
