MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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