I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
