Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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